I need to blog more. I don't expect many readers, I don't expect comments or any type of recognition for it. I simply need to blog more because I need to write more, and blogging is an excellent way to exercise the brain, my thoughts, my academic ideas, and word craft practice. I had my annual PhD student evaluation today, and while I passed, while I am in satisfactory academic standing, there were plenty of footnotes. I need to focus, discipline myself, and figure out what the fuck I am doing. This has to be done by March in order to continue in the program. Its what we call End of Coursework...what most other programs call qualitative exams or comprehensive exams. For us in the iSchool, its a statement of competency and prospectus for a dissertation.
Its all about perception, but perception is based on the presentation you make to others, and I have made a presentation to others that is not entirely coherent, but not entirely jumbled. Hence the footnotes, which were all valid. Getting a PhD (at least in an area that is arguably social science) means defining oneself in such a way that is so precisely detailed and specific. You need to define your interest (and I say interest because there is apparently not room for multiple interests) with such painstaking narrow specificity that you could write a whole book that is totally unique from anything that is in the library of congress. Yes, that's called a dissertation! And its what separates the scholars from the lifelong learners.
So I need to blog more, because I am trying to sift out this academic narrow high-definition identity. No blogging does not force this process, but it helps to encourage and articulate it. I constantly find myself distracted by all of the interesting things going on around me. I guess its a form of ADD...something I struggle with, even as I try to narrow myself down and focus. What drives one (ideally) to get a PhD is thirst for knowledge, a love of learning and thinking and figuring out the world around them. I guess one of my issues is that I love learning about a lot of different things, and playing around with ideas that are new to me. But I am in the position now where my inquiry has to burrow deep into the core of all cores, rather than fulfill a few questions and move on to the next interesting hole.
As I said before, my research interests are not entirely coherent, but not entirely fuzzy. I essentially have this chaotic group of interests with weak links draw between them, and I need to shake off the protons and neutrons that don't play well, and strengthen the bonds between those that do. This means discipline, lots and lots of reading, lots and lots of discussions, and lots and lots of writing. And thus, I need to blog more. This is the public manifestation of what I need to stuff into my pockets by the middle/end of March. I know that I *can* succeed, but I also know that I need to somehow keep focused, keep confident, and have the occasional teaspoon of support heaped in from some true and trusted friends to make it to the finish line before the race is over. And once passed... then I can begin a dissertation proposal. A whole new, exciting, and narrowly focused race.
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7 comments:
I hear you on the need to focus... For now, my major task is figuring out a home discipline, and the task feels a bit overwhelming at times. Most of the "footnotes" from my review came as no real surprise, and I agree with all of them as well.
You can do it..keep focused. Keep your eye on the prize :-)
Dude. This is totally you - nose-to-the-grindstone time.
For what it's worth, I think we all have a bit of ADD at this point in our "information age." There are so many things competing for our attention that we have a difficult time deciding what piece of information gets our attention first, second, third, and so on.
I agree with Teresa. A few years back, a friend was complaining to me about his son, who had an ADD. As I was listening, I was thinking "hmm, those things the kid does don't sound all that strange to me :))))"
In any case, you are working really hard and doing a great job as far as I see. It seems you just need to change the direction of your work from publications to your own research. It helps to be able to say no, which none of us is an expert on earlier. A colleague calls it death by opportunity :)
Woah, comments galore! :)
Nice post. Keep on blogging. Since I seem to do it for not other beneficiary other than myself, but still, it is amazing how much just putting your thoughts down on paper (, er... you know what I mean) can serve to clear your head. Sticking with it is the hard part.
Blog more, but use less words for us non-PhD types...;)
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